You have fed her. Changed her. Burped her. Rocked her. Sung to her until your voice gave out. Nothing is working, and now you are close to crying too.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone, and you have not done anything wrong.

I am Dr Nisa Khalil, a paediatrician with a special interest in child development at ParkCity Medical Centre in Kuala Lumpur. Some version of this scene walks into my clinic every single week. Parents who have tried everything, who are exhausted, and who are quietly wondering if their baby is in pain, or if they are simply bad at this.

Almost always, what they are describing is colic. And almost always, it is not their fault.

This article will help you understand what colic actually is, what genuinely helps, when a traditional remedy is worth trying and when it is not, and when it is time to bring your baby in to be seen.

What Is Colic, Really?

Paediatricians define colic using a rule of three (known as the Wessel criteria). Crying for more than three hours a day, on more than three days a week, for more than three weeks, in a baby who is otherwise healthy, feeding well, and growing normally.

It usually begins around two to three weeks of age, peaks around six weeks, and settles by three to four months for most babies. Up to one in five babies goes through it.

Colic is not a diagnosis in the way an infection or an allergy is. It is a pattern, a description of a baby who cries far more than expected, for reasons that are not always clear, in a body that is otherwise completely well.

That last part matters. Colic is what doctors call a diagnosis of exclusion. Before I tell a parent "this is colic," I want to be sure I am not missing something else.

It Is Not Something You Did Wrong

Nobody knows exactly what causes colic. What we do know is what does not cause it.

It is not caused by bad parenting. It is not caused by a mother's diet in most cases, though a small number of breastfed babies are sensitive to something in mum's diet, usually dairy. It is not caused by holding your baby "too much," and it is not a sign that you are doing something wrong.

The leading theories point to an immature gut still learning to manage gas and digestion, a nervous system that gets overwhelmed more easily in some babies than others, and in a smaller group of infants, a genuine sensitivity to cow's milk protein.

None of these theories are about you. Your baby's crying is not a report card on your parenting.

Colic or Something Else? Ruling Out the Red Flags First

Before we call it colic, I always check for the things that are not colic.

Reflux tends to come with arching of the back during or after feeds, frequent spit-up, and distress that is worse lying flat. Cow's milk protein allergy can come with blood-flecked stools, eczema, or a strong family history of allergy. An infection can come with fever, poor feeding, or lethargy alongside the crying.

If your baby's crying is genuinely colic, and not one of these other things, the crying pattern is the main problem. Your baby feeds well, gains weight well, and is their usual self between crying episodes, usually worse in the evenings.

This is why a proper assessment matters more than a label from the internet. What looks like colic and what is colic are not always the same thing.

What Actually Helps: An Evidence-Based Toolkit

There is no single fix that works for every baby. But several approaches are genuinely worth trying.

Motion and touch. Swaddling, gentle rocking, white noise, and being held upright against your chest all mimic the womb and can help some babies settle. Babywearing works well for this reason.

Sucking. Feeding, or a pacifier once breastfeeding is established, can be genuinely soothing for a distressed baby.

A probiotic, for some breastfed babies. Some studies suggest a probiotic containing Lactobacillus reuteri may reduce crying time in breastfed babies with colic, though the evidence is mixed and it does not work for every baby. Speak to your paediatrician before starting any supplement.

A feeding review. If you are breastfeeding and suspect a dairy sensitivity, do not start cutting foods from your diet on your own. A short, supervised elimination trial with your paediatrician's guidance is safer and easier to interpret than guessing.

What the evidence does not support. Anti-gas drops such as simethicone have not been shown to work better than a placebo in research, though some parents still find them worth trying under guidance. Chiropractic adjustment and other alternative therapies do not currently have good evidence behind them for colic, and I would not recommend them in place of the approaches above.

Urut, Gripe Water, and "Angin": What the Evidence Says

If a grandparent has told you your baby has "angin" and needs urut bayi, I understand where that comes from. Watching a baby cry and arch and pull up their legs does look like trapped wind, and the instinct to soothe with touch is a good one.

Gentle infant massage, done softly and without pressing on the abdomen, has some evidence behind it for helping babies settle and sleep better. If it is done gently, by someone experienced, it is a reasonable thing to try alongside, not instead of, everything else in this article.

Gripe water is trickier. Some traditional formulations contain alcohol or sodium bicarbonate, which are not appropriate for a young baby. If you want to try a gripe water product, check the ingredient label carefully or ask your pharmacist, and avoid anything homemade or unregulated.

The instinct behind these traditions, that a crying baby deserves comfort and closeness, is exactly right. The method just needs to be safe.

When to See a Paediatrician

Please bring your baby in for review if you notice:

A fever in a baby under three months old
Poor weight gain or fewer wet nappies than usual
Vomiting that is forceful, or green or yellow in colour
Blood in the stool or vomit
Persistent arching of the back, especially during feeds
Extreme lethargy or difficulty waking your baby
Crying that starts for the first time after four months of age
A cry that sounds different from usual, unusually high-pitched or inconsolable
A gut feeling that something is not right

None of these automatically mean something is seriously wrong. But they mean it is worth having your baby properly assessed, rather than assuming it is colic and waiting it out.

Exhausted and not sure if this is colic or something more? Early review is always better than waiting. Book an appointment with Dr Nisa Khalil at ParkCity Medical Centre. Book here 💜

Surviving the Colic Weeks: Support for You Too

A baby who cries for hours every evening is exhausting in a way that is hard to describe to someone who has not lived it.

It is normal to feel frustrated, helpless, and even resentful in the moment, and then guilty for feeling that way. None of that makes you a bad parent. It makes you a tired one.

If you ever feel your frustration building to a dangerous point, it is safe and okay to put your baby down in their cot, close the door, and take five minutes to breathe. A safely put-down, crying baby is never as harmful as a shaken one.

Take turns with your partner if you can. Ask a family member to hold the baby for twenty minutes while you shower. If the exhaustion is tipping into something heavier, low mood, anxiety, feeling disconnected, please talk to your doctor. Colic passes. You matter too, in the meantime.

It Will Pass

Here is the part that is hard to believe at 9pm on a bad night. Colic is temporary.

For most babies, it eases by three months and is gone by four to five months, often quite suddenly. The baby who cried for hours every evening becomes, almost overnight, a baby who does not.

You are not doing this forever. You are doing it for a season.

If you would like a proper assessment of your baby's crying, feeding, or growth, I would love to see you at my clinic at ParkCity Medical Centre.

If you are unsure whether what you are seeing is colic or something else, earlier is always better. Book an appointment 💜

Frequently Asked Questions

What is considered baby colic?

Colic is generally defined as crying for more than three hours a day, on more than three days a week, for more than three weeks, in a baby who is otherwise healthy, feeding well, and gaining weight. It usually starts around two to three weeks of age and resolves by three to four months.

How do I know if it is colic or reflux?

Reflux tends to come with arching of the back during or after feeds and frequent spit-up, while colic is mainly a crying pattern without other feeding or growth problems. Because the two can look similar, a proper assessment by a paediatrician is the most reliable way to tell them apart.

Does gripe water actually work for colic?

There is limited strong evidence that gripe water treats colic. Some traditional formulations also contain alcohol or sodium bicarbonate, which are not suitable for young babies. If you want to try it, check the ingredients carefully or ask your pharmacist first.

When should I see a specialist about my baby's crying?

See a paediatrician if your baby has a fever under three months of age, is feeding poorly, has forceful or discoloured vomiting, blood in the stool, extreme lethargy, or if the crying starts for the first time after four months. A parental gut feeling that something is wrong is also a valid reason to seek review.

Will my baby's colic go away on its own?

For most babies, yes. Colic typically peaks around six weeks and resolves by three to four months without any lasting effects. In the meantime, evidence-based soothing techniques and, for some babies, a paediatrician-guided probiotic trial can help make the weeks more manageable.

Disclaimer: This article is for general educational purposes only. It does not replace an individual medical assessment or the advice of a qualified healthcare professional. If you have concerns about your baby's crying, feeding, or growth, please consult your paediatrician.

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